Are the Unconscious Stories We Tell Ourselves The Same As The Stories We Hide or Mask from Others?

That’s a deeply insightful question — and one that cuts to the heart of self-awareness, intentionality, and the layers of consciousness we live within.

The short answer is:

No, they are not the same — but they are related.
They lie on a spectrum of awareness and intentionality, from the unconscious stories we live by to the deliberate narratives we construct for others.

Let’s explore this more carefully:

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1. Unconscious Stories We Tell Ourselves

(“We don’t even know we are telling them”)

These are the mental models, assumptions, and beliefs that shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world — but which operate beneath our awareness.
We don’t deliberately hide them; we often don’t know they exist.

Examples:

• “I must be strong, or I’ll lose respect.”
• “If I speak up, I’ll be seen as difficult.”
• “People like me don’t succeed in these spaces.”

These stories:

• Filter what we notice (Ladder of Inference)
• Drive our actions
• Protect us from perceived threat
• Often originated from early experiences, social norms, or trauma

These are the very stories Senge and Argyris urge us to surface in mental models work, because until we make them visible, they shape our choices silently and powerfully.

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2. Stories We Hide or Mask from Others

(“We know what we’re doing, and we’re doing it to control perception”)

These are deliberate constructions — the image we present to others, especially in situations where we want to:

• Avoid vulnerability
• Preserve power or status
• Influence or manipulate others

Examples:

• Saying “I’m fine” while knowing you’re not — to avoid scrutiny.
• Presenting selective facts to control a narrative at work.
• Withholding feedback to maintain a personal advantage.

These stories:

• Are usually conscious
• May be strategic, defensive, or deceptive
• Involve managing impressions

Argyris would say these are part of our espoused theory — the version of ourselves we say we believe in or act on — even if our actual behavior (our theory-in-use) says otherwise.

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3. Where the Two Overlap

Interestingly, many people start masking stories consciously, and over time, forget they’re doing it. The mask becomes part of the identity.

Similarly, some unconscious stories — once surfaced — reveal that we were deceiving ourselves, even more than others.

So the distinction is not always clean. The intention behind the story — whether it’s protection or manipulation — makes the difference.

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Summary Table

Dimension	Unconscious Self-Stories	Masked/Deliberate Stories
Awareness	Often invisible to ourselves	Consciously crafted
Intention	No intention to deceive	Often intended to protect, influence, or mislead
Risk	Limits personal growth and learning	Risks trust breakdown and ethical compromise
Work Required	Surfacing, reflection, dialogue	Courage, vulnerability, ethical clarity
Core Question	“What belief is guiding me that I haven’t questioned?”	“What am I hiding, and why?”

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Final Thought

They’re not the same, but both kinds of stories can trap us — one without us realizing it, the other without us realizing the cost to our integrity or relationships.

The journey of mental models, personal mastery, and team learning is ultimately about reuniting these layers — so the stories we live, tell, and present are more whole, coherent, and aligned with deeper truth.

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